THE TRUE TEST OF MANHOOD!

Three Questions That Can Transform a Marriage

by George Kenworthy

The first time I met John and Amy for counseling, Amy announced that she had already been to two Christian counselors and both had advised her to file for a divorce. I suppose the reason for this assessment was that Amy claimed she didn't love John anymore. In fact, Amy made it painfully clear that she was in love with someone else.

Since John and Amy had been attending the church where I was a pastor, they decided to see me before they called it quits. You might say this was a last-ditch effort to salvage things between them. After listening to them vent, I asked them a series of questions which, frankly, may appear simplistic at first glance. As you'll see in a moment, I am convinced that the way a couple responds to these three questions is fundamental to their future success together.

Here's what I asked them:

Do you believe that there is a God? 

Are you willing to apply the principles of God's Word to your life? 

Will you pray for the Spirit of God to strengthen you and your spouse?

Both John and Amy acknowledged that they believed in God. Both agreed to apply the principles of God's Word to their life. And, both said they would pray for the Spirit of God to touch them and their marriage. So far, so good. I proceeded to tell them, "On the authority of God's Holy Word and the power of His Spirit, I will absolutely guarantee that this marriage will come back together!"

Then, like pouring cold water on the spark of hope in John's eyes, Amy informed us that she was unwilling to give up her relationship with her lover. She maintained that her lover understood her ... he knew how to meet her needs ... he cared for her in ways that John never did ... she loved him with all of her heart. And, since she no longer loved John, how could she turn her back on her lover? Amy knew that God did not approve of her adulterous relationship—and neither did I. But I also knew that there was nothing I could do to convince her to abandon her boyfriend.

God could.

I was prepared to wait for the Spirit of God to convict her and give her the strength to do what was right. From my experience, such conviction could come quickly, or it might take a number of months. After all, if Jesus could raise Lazarus from the dead, He could convict Amy of the dead end that pursuing this man represented.

In the meantime, I provided them with a number of “tips and tools” I use in my marriage counseling: I showed them how to do a communication date and how to handle conflict biblically. We talked about sex and examined their family backgrounds. We explored how they could show love for each other. We also closed our sessions with prayer and my reminder that when the Spirit of God touched their marriage, we would all know it.

Then we waited ...

“We’re wasting our time thinking there is any hope for us”

After about nine months of counseling, I recommended that they take a trip to Florida. The other man was still very much a part of Amy's life, and I thought the time away from him, as well as two weeks alone with her husband, might help rekindle their marriage. Guess what? It didn't.

When they got back to Indianapolis, a defiant Amy called and fumed, “My time with John in Florida was awful. I have had it. I am canceling our counseling appointment for tomorrow. I have contacted my lawyer and have filed for divorce.”

About 30 minutes later John called echoing Amy's opinion. He said, “George, our time in Florida was an absolute disaster. Amy is still in love with our neighbor. We're wasting our time thinking there is any hope for us. I have contacted our lawyer and filed for a divorce.”

My heart sank with the bad news. It was obvious that my best efforts had accomplished nothing. Worse yet, John and Amy both believed in God but were feeling weaker and more hopeless than they had ever felt before.

But God was not finished.

About an hour after her first call, Amy called again. This time I immediately perceived something was different in her voice. “I just got back from driving around the city,” she said. “While I was out, I saw a billboard that had this simple message, 473-PRAY. When I got home, I turned on the TV and I saw the same billboard with the same message. I dialed the number and spoke with a prayer counselor for about 15 minutes.”

Not wanting to interrupt her, I held my breath.

“George, I can't explain it, but I believe God has spoken to me. I think He wants me to end my relationship with my boyfriend and work on my marriage with John. What do you think?”

“Amy,” I said, thrilled at the breakthrough, “this is what we have been praying for over the last nine months. You have just heard the voice of God. Until now you have heard words from me and from others about God, but now you have heard from God Himself. This is wonderful! How can I help?”

She said, “I need to tell my boyfriend what has happened today.” In fact, she felt an urgency to confront her boyfriend that evening and wanted me there for moral support. I assured her I wouldn't miss it.

“I have to do what God has told me”

Amy and I met about 10 minutes before her boyfriend arrived. We prayed together and I encouraged her with some scriptural truths. Moments later this man, who had been at the center of the conflict in her marriage, arrived. They met in a warm embrace in the middle of the room. He whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she said.

Then, obviously puzzled by my presence in the room, he asked, “So, what's going on?”

Amy answered, “I have heard the voice of God today. God told me that I need to break off my relationship with you and really work on my marriage to John. I will be moving out of the apartment this week. I think I need to move back in with John.”

“Amy, I don't understand. You just said you loved me.”

“I do,” she said, taking a step back. “But I have to do what God has told me.”

Stunned, he shot her a bewildered look. “If that's what you want, Amy, then fine. I'll leave.”

With that, he left. I am convinced that this fellow never understood what she was saying. Perhaps he thought that when Amy got back together with John, she would come to her senses and realize how awful her marriage had been.

That never happened. Why?

Because Amy had heard the voice of God! We still had more work to do in a counseling setting, but at least now there was hope. With the distraction of her lover out of the picture, it seemed like just a matter of days before Amy felt a fresh love for John begin to bud. Gradually, John learned how to meet her needs. Both learned how to express love in ways that communicated love to each other. It was a miracle of marital healing.

That was about 15 years ago.

I now pastor a church in the Minneapolis area. Not long ago Amy stopped by the church to see me. She was carrying her newest addition to their family. With an infant nestled in her arms and a wide smile on her face, Amy positively glowed. She couldn't wait to let me know how happy she was, how well they were doing, and how thankful she was to the Lord for what He had done.

I said, “Amy, I have been telling folks for years about what God did for you. I call you the 'Billboard Lady.' What do you tell your friends about what happened?”

Her face lit up: “It was a miracle!”

John and Amy's story is evidence of what God can do for your marriage. I am convinced that you and I desperately need to hear more powerful stories like theirs. These living examples remind us that God stillsaves marriages.

No matter what your situation, I'm confident that there is hope for any marriage—as long as you are willing to believe that God, through His Spirit and His Word, can powerfully change your lives.

Let me ask you something. In spite of how you may view your current circumstances, is it possible that the Lord might one day use your testimony for His glory?

Adapted with permission from Before the Last Resort, © 2005 by George Kenworthy. Published by FamilyLife Publishing, Little Rock, Ark. All rights reserved. 

SEVEN WAYS TO LOVE, HONOR, AND CHERISH YOUR WIFE

by Harold and Bette Gillogly 

Remember the vows you were almost too nervous to repeat, "to love, honor, and cherish...as long as we both shall live"? These aren't just pretty-sounding words. God takes them very seriously, and He expects husbands and wives to do the same. Husbands, we would like to talk to you about this.

Guys, these are God's words to you: Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Peter 3:7) In other words, you must treat with respect and sensitivity this fragile creature God has made, called woman. She is fragile not only because you can beat her at arm wrestling, but because you can crush her spirit with brutish words and actions of disrepect. Note the clear warning at the end of this Scripture. Do you want God to listen to your prayers? Then you must honor and value your wife. Here are some ways you can honor your wife:

1. Be sensitive to her needs.

If you ask your wife what she needs and then listen carefully, she will reveal her needs to you. Then ask God to help you meet as many of those needs as you can.

2. Let your actions, as well as your words, show her respect.

Don't sit in front of the television while she washes the dishes, picks up after the kids, gets them to bedm and then does three loads of laundry. She's more than a mommy, a maid, a cook, and a nurse. She's your partner. Besides, if Jesus could wash feet, you can wash dishes.

3. Pay attention to her when she talks to you.

Put down the paper, mute the television, look her in the eyes, and respond in more than monosyllables.

4. Be considerate, and use gentle and kind words with your wife.

You can deeply wound her spirit with harsh, discounting words. It's bad enough when this is done in private, but it's devastating when done in public. Remember, a wounded heart finds it hard to give love.

5. Accept her feelings.

You may not understand them, but you must respect them as real and genuine. Never tell her, "You shouldn't feel that way, Honey." when you say things like that, you're telling her that you think her feelings are stupid.

6. Accept her as she is without comparing her to others.

When you criticize, you are saying: "I don't like you the way you are. Be different, or I won't love you." On the other hand, if you show her that you love and accept her just the way she is, she may change simply because she feels free to do so. Regardless, you must allow her to be all she can be, not all you want her to be.

7. Be faithful and loyal, living up to her trust.

Unfaithfulness is the ultimate dishonor to your wife. Before God, commit yourself to being a faithful husband. Be faithful in your thoughts and actions. When you honor your wife, you honor your marriage. Hebrews 13:4 declares that marriage is valuable and precious to you? Do you see your wife as valuable, precious, and worthy of honor and respect? Remember...you promised.

LIFEWAY

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BREAKING THE CHAIN OF COMMUNICATION

EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO LISTEN TO THIS!

MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE MORE ROMANTIC

By Markus Steffen, Sue Klavans Simring, and Gene Busnar from Making Marriage Work For Dummies

When you were courting, all you could think about was how exciting and romantic it was to be together. Back then, you couldn't do enough to please each other. As time passed, you got so accustomed to married life that you stopped making special efforts for each other. There were always so many responsibilities and details to take care of, that who could think about romance? Maybe you've been missing those blissful feelings — and you sense that your partner misses them too. Here are a few ways to put more romance back into your marriage.

Pay attention to your appearance

There's a saying: Beauty's only skin deep, but ugliness goes right through to the bone. Too often, people who've been married for years no longer feel the need to go through the effort of looking good for their partner.

If your wife doesn't enjoy seeing you lounging around the house in your underwear, or if your husband is bothered by seeing you in worn out slippers and an old bathrobe, don't ignore it. Doing that is a lot like saying: "We're married. Therefore, I don't have to bother putting on any kind of show. You're always going to be there, so I don't have to worry about pleasing you." After you become indifferent to your appearance, your spouse may have a hard time seeing you in a romantic and exciting way.

There's nothing wrong with being comfortable around the house. But do yourself, your spouse, and your marriage a favor by paying attention to your dress and personal hygiene. Show your husband or wife that you care by taking the time to look, feel, and smell good.

Use words of love

Saying the words "I love you" is always a good idea — as long as they're said sincerely. Everyone appreciates being told how much they're loved and cherished.

Here are some ways to expand that simple three-word phrase:

• Share your hopes, dreams, and secret thoughts. There are some things that you can only communicate through words. And few things make your partner feel closer to you than letting her in on your most private thoughts and visions.

When your goal is to create more closeness in your marriage, you want to share only thoughts and emotions that are likely to make your partner feel loved and wanted. Save any worries that are likely to generate anger or tears for another time.

• Tell your partner often how much you love being married to her. Then, talk about the qualities you enjoy most. Is it her terrific sense of humor? The way he greets you at the door when you come home from work? Married couples often spend a lot of time complaining about one another's faults and shortcomings. If you want to stir up the romantic fires in your relationship, try letting her know what she does that pleases you most.

Use a gentle touch

The way people touch each other communicates different feelings and provokes different sensations. Wives often complain that their husbands touch them only when they want sex. Women seem to like more hand holding, kissing, and gentle physical closeness than men. So, guys, don't wait for bedtime to touch and fondle your wife. Make it part of the way you communicate every day.

The absence of affectionate touching doesn't always mean that there's a problem in the marriage. However, a certain amount of gentle, non-sexual touching enhances closeness and heightens the sense of romance between the partners. This touching can take many forms, like caressing your partner's face, putting an arm around her back, or stroking his hair.

Make time to be alone together

When husbands and wives don't spend enough time alone, they are bound to grow apart. And when a couple already has problems, they often distance themselves from one another by using kids, friends, family members — even groups of strangers — as buffers.

Couples with young children need to make a special effort to find time to be by themselves. Sure, it's not always easy to find a babysitter. It often seems easier to drag the kids along to wherever you're going. That may be conducive to a rich family life, but you need to balance that with time for the two of you.

Make it your business to find at least a few hours each week for the two of you to be alone together. Go for a walk, movie, or ballgame. Meet for lunch. Take a cooking class together. Try to get away overnight as often as possible.

Simply logging in time together won't make your relationship more romantic. What you need to do is to spend uninterrupted time sharing thoughts, ideas, and activities in a way that gives you pleasure and draws you closer as a couple.

Play and laugh together

When the routines of day-to-day life begin to take over, you may forget that playing together is as important as working together. Few things help you appreciate the good things in life — and in your marriage — than adding a touch of child-like playfulness.

• Watch the way children play; the way they seem to take pleasure from each moment. Adults often let themselves get so loaded down with pressures and responsibilities that they forget how important it is to have fun.

• Think of play as any activity that you enjoy together. It may be taking a drive in the country, going to the zoo, or taking up ballroom dancing. Or stay home, order in a pizza, and rent a couple of videos. Whatever makes the two of you smile and feel light-hearted.

Different kinds of playfulness are appropriate at different times. For example, some play involves the kind of intimate touching most couples would only do behind closed doors — though there are some couples who enjoy fooling around with each other in public. There are also very public kinds of playfulness, like spending time at an amusement park or dressing up for a costume party. Almost anything is fair game if you both find it pleasurable.

Revisit your shared history

Is there a special spot where you used to spend time when you were courting? A certain restaurant near your first apartment where the two of always had Sunday brunch? How long has it been since you've been back to those places?

Return to the locations that have special meaning to you — on a regular basis, if possible. It may not be practical for you to go back to the exotic island where you spent your honeymoon, but what about revisiting that park where you used to stroll together hand in hand, or that beach where you spent a week the summer you first met? Revisiting places that are special to you will help keep the romance alive in your marriage.

Continue to seek out new romantic places and rituals, and add them to the ones you already have.

Your shared history as a couple is ongoing. The special experiences and meaningful rituals that you create over the course of your marriage help you have a richer and more romantic life together.

APPRECIATE HER!

MARRIAGE SERIES, PART 4


Genesis 2:18,21-23

18And the Lord God said, “It  is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
21And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.23And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”

God made the woman as a helper to the man and we must appreciate this fact and also acknowledge the great helpers our women have become to us. 
Adam acknowledged this as soon as he saw Eve, he wasn't  in any doubt as to why God brought Eve to him. He appreciated her and said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” This statement was borne out of deep revelation and appreciation for her role.

Most of us are married to very industrious women who are very benevolent in contributing to see that the family does not grind to halt even when the men are not making enough or anything to keep the home front going.

It will amaze you how hard these women work to cover up for the lapses of their husbands, they are called multi-taskers, always thinking of ways to make ends meet and cover up for their men and yet the men don't appreciate them.

They are the ones who lose sleep when the children are sick, they fall apart when the children's school fees fall short, they do any and everything to earn a living while keeping their dignity. They will do menial businesses that the men will consider inappropriate for them  as men to do, the women will do all that to ensure that the family is not put to shame.

The men most times become insecure with such women because they see them as getting too strong and overbearing. You will hear the men say, that since she started providing, she is no longer respectful so the man refuses to appreciate her and makes her contributions and hard work of little importance.

Lets get it straight, it's not the woman's role to be the provider. She is a support for the man so it's okay for her to buckle under sometimes and exhale in distress because she was not originally configured for that role. 

It is absolutely out of order to demand that the wife should not complain sometimes when the pressure is so hard on her, especially when the man is constantly making extra demands and not also meeting up with his responsibilities.

We must learn to say words like, 'Honey, i appreciate all you do to help make things work, i know the efforts you put in to take care of the children, help in paying school fees, putting fuel in my car, covering up for me in public, etc. I know its  taking a huge toll on you and sometimes you buckle under pressure and say things you don't mean but i want to assure you it's ok to let it off at times and i want you to know i appreciate all you do and am making efforts to take these pressures from you so you can have a deserved break and find life a little bit more interesting and devoid of pressure"

It may not be said exactly as i have said it but you can say things that suit your situation or relationship. Our women love to be appreciated from time to time, they want their husbands to do well and that's every woman's ultimate desire, they are configured to assist and not to be in the lead position.

If you are married to a wife who makes suggestions as to how she thinks affairs would be run, 89% percent of the time she may be right. Please don't try to over play the male role by ignoring her and insisting on your ways because she is the woman. I know some may not be very courteous with the manner of raising suggestions, (sometimes when you look at the history of the relationships you will see that, that act that seems like its disrespectful, is as a result of frustration borne out of the husbands's insistence on ways that usually lead to failure) taking your wife's advice does not diminish you, she is your support and she means well. After all you are not in competition but in partnership.

I am married to a wife who is more than just a help mate, words can't describe how much her contributions support me all round and i never fail to let her know how i appreciate all she does and you know what? I get  more support!

You too can get continuous support from your wife if you learn to say, "I appreciate all you do"

OUR WIVES ARE AWESOME HELP MATES AND WE NEED TO ALWAYS SPEAK WORDS THAT ENCOURAGE THEM AND NOT PUT THEM DOWN!

LET'S APPRECIATE OUR WOMEN!

AVOIDING EMOTIONAL ADULTERY

Photostock, by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When you find yourself connecting with another person who starts becoming in even the smallest way a substitute for your marital partner, you’ve started traveling a dangerous road. So, how do you protect yourself —and your marriage?

Here are some principles many have found helpful:

1. Know your boundaries. You should put fences around your heart and protect the sacred ground that is reserved only for your spouse. Barbara and I are careful to share our deepest feelings, needs, and difficulties only with each other and not with friends of the opposite sex.

2. Realize the power of the eyes. They are the “windows of your soul.” Pull the shades down if you sense someone is pausing a little too long in front of those windows. It’s true that good eye contact is necessary for fruitful communication, but there is a deep type of look that must be reserved for only one person: your mate.

Frankly, I don’t trust myself. Some women may think I’m insecure because I don’t hold eye contact too long, but that’s not it at all. I simply don’t trust my humanity. I’ve seen what has happened to others, and I know it could happen to me.

3. Beware of isolation and concealment. One strategy of the enemy is to isolate you from your spouse, by tempting you to keep secrets from your mate. Barbara and I both realize the danger of concealment in our marriage. We work hard at bringing things out into the open and discussing them. Our closets are empty.

4. Extinguish any chemical reactions that may have begun. A friendship with the opposite sex that is beginning to meet needs your mate should be meeting must be ended quickly. A simple rule of chemistry is this: To stop a chemical reaction, remove one of the elements. It may be painful or embarrassing at first, but it isn’t as painful as suffering the results of temptation that has given birth to sin.

Ruth Senter wrote an article for Partnership Magazine entitled simply, “Rick.” It was an incredibly honest examination of a godly wife’s encounter and ensuing friendship with a Christian man she met in a graduate class. Her struggle and godly response to this temptation were graphically etched in a letter that ended that relationship. She wrote,

“Friendship is always going somewhere unless it’s dead. You and I both know where ours is going. When a relationship threatens the stability of commitments we’ve made to the people we value the most, it can no longer be.”

5. Ask God to remind you how important it is to fear Him. The fear of God has turned me from many a temptation. it would be one thing if another person learned I had compromised my vows, but it’s quite another thing to realize that God’s throne would have a knowledge of my disloyalty to Barbara faster than the speed of light.

It has been said that a “secret sin on earth is open scandal in heaven.” My Heavenly Father and my earthly father are there right now. Thinking of hurting them keeps me pure.

The above article came from the book, Staying Close: Stopping the Natural Drift Toward Isolation in Marriage by Dennis Rainey, published by Thomas Nelson Publishing. This book won the Gold Medallion Book Award in recognition of excellence in evangelical Christian literature so it’s highly recognized as being a powerful book for those who are married. It helps those of us who are married to learn how to pull together instead of drift apart.

Published by Marriage missions International.

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR WIFE BEAUTIFUL!

MARRIAGE SERIES, PART 3.

Matthew 6:22-23

The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

You know they say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, a critical look at that statement reveals the truth that the beholder has the responsibility to create for himself the beauty and to hold that beauty in manner that will entertain any competing factor!

Fourteen years ago today, i got my turn around in a manner i least expected and it's a story i will never get tired of telling;

My wife was 8 months pregnant for my first daughter (Chiazotam) and i was on my way to a traditional wedding in Auchi, with my 'girl friend' and on the way we had an accident and she later died in the hospital.

In this period of confusion and despair, i met Jesus Christ who literarily spoke to my heart and i made a decision to have Him as my Lord and Saviour and to serve Him for the rest of my life!

When i came home on the third day after that accident and my three day sojourn at Aviele, the place of the accident, i met my wife sitting outside the house waiting for my return (each time i tell this story i really wonder what would have happened to my wife if i died in that accident) and there and then, i realise the beauty in her ( her pure intentions and desire to have us grow a good union in love and respect for each other).

This event completely changed my life, my eyes were not single, they were not good and my whole body was full of darkness prior to this event and now i know that having multiple sex partners is the harbinger or distraction and destruction in a marriage union.

As long as you keep going outside for sexual pleasures, you will not appreciate the beauty in your wife and make no mistakes, i am not talking about physical beauty here because that also has deceived so many men into misplacing their priorities and thinking that physical beauty comes first.

You can work on the physical from the internal, when you realise the inherent and innate qualities of your wife, then you can lovingly curate the physical beauty that suits your desire.

Make no mistakes, any woman, i repeat any woman who sleeps with any man, knowing his marital status is not worth giving priority over your wife.(this also goes for a man). She can't also be trusted to keep it straight when the time comes.

Do you know why you find faults with your wife always? It's because your eyes are not single, you have huge darkness in you and because you spend your energy jumping from one woman to the other, confusion has set in and you now have competing images struggling in your head and your wife is made to bear the brunt!

I made the decision 14 years ago, to keep myself for my wife and to remain faithful through the help of God and do you know what? I identified her beauty from the inside, i don't have competing and conflicting female images in my head, she is the only one and all my energy has been channeled towards making her the woman that appeals to me.

What you see of my wife today is the deliberate work from a man who has realised that God can help make all the difference and that loving a woman in fidelity is the greatest quality available to man.

Your wife is not the problem, you are! Shut down on those external union killers and you will see her differently.

YOUR WIFE ULTIMATELY BECOMES WHAT YOU THINK OF HER,

YOU CAN MAKE HER BEAUTIFUL,

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR FOCUS SINGLE,

JESUS CAN HELP YOU!

LOVE YOUR WIFE!

MARRIAGE SERIES, PART 2.

Colosians 3:19

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Ephesians 5:25-29

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 

If you have determined who your wife is from the part one of this series and you are positive that she is one flesh with you and you are cleaving to her, then the next positive thing to do is to love her!

We have over time disfigured the truth about love and we have chosen the meaning that has suited us the most because we either find it convenient or better adapted because others are doing it and it seems harmless, after all we are the men.

Love is not just about provision or having said, 'I DO' to your wife, it's not just about gifts and making sure theres food on the table. It's equally about respect and also ensuring that she is respected by all and sundry. It's also about companionship and healthy communication.

Love is faithful, love is respectful, it is celebrating and not leaving anyone in doubt about how you feel concerning your wife because you have no hidden intentions and no need to invest in a relationship other the one you already have with your wife.

Your wife is your body, you can't hate your body and you must present her the way you want her to be taken by your friends. Each time you cheat on her, you disrespect her and present her as incapable and unworthy of respect.

I really wonder why men sometimes are more courteous to ladies they meet outside than they are to their wives. I have concluded that what i will not do for my wife, no other lady is worth doing it for!
That's a stand we need to take, we must stand up for our wives and present them as the rare gifts they are.

If you love your wife, you must be faithful to her and until you try faithfulness, you will not understand what it means to love your wife and truly appreciate the strength of love in a union of faithfulness.

Do you know what you do to your wife's emotions and self respect when you cheat on her? You literarily destroy those and make her lose her worth.

You can't profess to love your wife and still take her out to places where your bedmates are, where your friends know you have more girls lined up than she can imagine and they watch her giggle like a fool? Come on man you should have a conscience and know better.

The days of playing the superstar is over, its either in or out but i pray that God will open your eyes to see how you are hurting your spouse and give you the grace to live right and enjoy your union.

Love your wife and enjoy peace!

WHO IS YOUR WIFE?

MARRIAGE SERIES, PART 1.

Genesis 2:24 (AMP)

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Mark 10:7-9

For this reason a man shall leave [behind] his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and cleave closely to her permanently,
And the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. [Gen. 2:24.]
What therefore God has united (joined together), let not man separate or divide.

The bible has defined marriage as a union of a man and a woman and shall for the purposes of this series, from time to time be the foundation or point of reference.

I will largely be writing from my perspective as a man and i want to initially apologise to my fellow men, if i tilt more towards the women because eventually, a good husband must be his wife's man or as they will put it a 'woman man'.

I want you to answer these questions as we move on,

1. Are you cleaving to your wife? (CLEAVE means; to adhere closely; stick; cling to remain faithful.)
2. Are you one flesh with your wife?
3. Are you still two?
4. Is a third party trying to divide or separate what God has joined together?

As we begin to answer these questions sincerely (telling ourselves the truth within ourselves), we will find out if we have truly made the required efforts to keep within the boundaries set out by God for marriage, you will also afford yourself the opportunity to take a second look at your partner and determine who she is, a friend, your flesh, a competitor, partner or foe?
What your answer is will determine how far you are willing to make things right in your union.

Love is not anywhere outside, so you must work inwards and ensure that you build a home and not a house.

No marriage union can claim perfection but the thing that makes the difference is the resolve by both parties to ensure that they build without external influences.

I made a commitment a while ago, after answering the above posed questions, that i will work on myself to become a good and loving husband to my wife, setting good examples for my children. That i will not build on my wife's shortcomings but rather encourage her sterling qualities and magnify them in my minds eye to the point where people can say 'she has blinded me' and it's working because i am always thinking of ways to please and make her happy (IT'S BECOME A HABIT AND IT'S WORTH IT!), reason being that i found out that after God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, she is all i have.

When the night falls and i have to sleep,I am alone with her, no friends, no mother or father, no relations or children.
If i am having pains of any sort at night, she will be the first to know and cater for me. By all standards, she is my closest relative! So why treat her carelessly?

You can create a loving relationship, depending on how you have answered the above questions.
It's not about your friends, its about your home.
Build it and they will admire you, it takes a man to determine to do the right thing, cowards choose the easy way.

BE THE MAN!