APPRECIATE HER!

MARRIAGE SERIES, PART 4


Genesis 2:18,21-23

18And the Lord God said, “It  is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
21And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.23And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”

God made the woman as a helper to the man and we must appreciate this fact and also acknowledge the great helpers our women have become to us. 
Adam acknowledged this as soon as he saw Eve, he wasn't  in any doubt as to why God brought Eve to him. He appreciated her and said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” This statement was borne out of deep revelation and appreciation for her role.

Most of us are married to very industrious women who are very benevolent in contributing to see that the family does not grind to halt even when the men are not making enough or anything to keep the home front going.

It will amaze you how hard these women work to cover up for the lapses of their husbands, they are called multi-taskers, always thinking of ways to make ends meet and cover up for their men and yet the men don't appreciate them.

They are the ones who lose sleep when the children are sick, they fall apart when the children's school fees fall short, they do any and everything to earn a living while keeping their dignity. They will do menial businesses that the men will consider inappropriate for them  as men to do, the women will do all that to ensure that the family is not put to shame.

The men most times become insecure with such women because they see them as getting too strong and overbearing. You will hear the men say, that since she started providing, she is no longer respectful so the man refuses to appreciate her and makes her contributions and hard work of little importance.

Lets get it straight, it's not the woman's role to be the provider. She is a support for the man so it's okay for her to buckle under sometimes and exhale in distress because she was not originally configured for that role. 

It is absolutely out of order to demand that the wife should not complain sometimes when the pressure is so hard on her, especially when the man is constantly making extra demands and not also meeting up with his responsibilities.

We must learn to say words like, 'Honey, i appreciate all you do to help make things work, i know the efforts you put in to take care of the children, help in paying school fees, putting fuel in my car, covering up for me in public, etc. I know its  taking a huge toll on you and sometimes you buckle under pressure and say things you don't mean but i want to assure you it's ok to let it off at times and i want you to know i appreciate all you do and am making efforts to take these pressures from you so you can have a deserved break and find life a little bit more interesting and devoid of pressure"

It may not be said exactly as i have said it but you can say things that suit your situation or relationship. Our women love to be appreciated from time to time, they want their husbands to do well and that's every woman's ultimate desire, they are configured to assist and not to be in the lead position.

If you are married to a wife who makes suggestions as to how she thinks affairs would be run, 89% percent of the time she may be right. Please don't try to over play the male role by ignoring her and insisting on your ways because she is the woman. I know some may not be very courteous with the manner of raising suggestions, (sometimes when you look at the history of the relationships you will see that, that act that seems like its disrespectful, is as a result of frustration borne out of the husbands's insistence on ways that usually lead to failure) taking your wife's advice does not diminish you, she is your support and she means well. After all you are not in competition but in partnership.

I am married to a wife who is more than just a help mate, words can't describe how much her contributions support me all round and i never fail to let her know how i appreciate all she does and you know what? I get  more support!

You too can get continuous support from your wife if you learn to say, "I appreciate all you do"

OUR WIVES ARE AWESOME HELP MATES AND WE NEED TO ALWAYS SPEAK WORDS THAT ENCOURAGE THEM AND NOT PUT THEM DOWN!

LET'S APPRECIATE OUR WOMEN!

AVOIDING EMOTIONAL ADULTERY

Photostock, by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When you find yourself connecting with another person who starts becoming in even the smallest way a substitute for your marital partner, you’ve started traveling a dangerous road. So, how do you protect yourself —and your marriage?

Here are some principles many have found helpful:

1. Know your boundaries. You should put fences around your heart and protect the sacred ground that is reserved only for your spouse. Barbara and I are careful to share our deepest feelings, needs, and difficulties only with each other and not with friends of the opposite sex.

2. Realize the power of the eyes. They are the “windows of your soul.” Pull the shades down if you sense someone is pausing a little too long in front of those windows. It’s true that good eye contact is necessary for fruitful communication, but there is a deep type of look that must be reserved for only one person: your mate.

Frankly, I don’t trust myself. Some women may think I’m insecure because I don’t hold eye contact too long, but that’s not it at all. I simply don’t trust my humanity. I’ve seen what has happened to others, and I know it could happen to me.

3. Beware of isolation and concealment. One strategy of the enemy is to isolate you from your spouse, by tempting you to keep secrets from your mate. Barbara and I both realize the danger of concealment in our marriage. We work hard at bringing things out into the open and discussing them. Our closets are empty.

4. Extinguish any chemical reactions that may have begun. A friendship with the opposite sex that is beginning to meet needs your mate should be meeting must be ended quickly. A simple rule of chemistry is this: To stop a chemical reaction, remove one of the elements. It may be painful or embarrassing at first, but it isn’t as painful as suffering the results of temptation that has given birth to sin.

Ruth Senter wrote an article for Partnership Magazine entitled simply, “Rick.” It was an incredibly honest examination of a godly wife’s encounter and ensuing friendship with a Christian man she met in a graduate class. Her struggle and godly response to this temptation were graphically etched in a letter that ended that relationship. She wrote,

“Friendship is always going somewhere unless it’s dead. You and I both know where ours is going. When a relationship threatens the stability of commitments we’ve made to the people we value the most, it can no longer be.”

5. Ask God to remind you how important it is to fear Him. The fear of God has turned me from many a temptation. it would be one thing if another person learned I had compromised my vows, but it’s quite another thing to realize that God’s throne would have a knowledge of my disloyalty to Barbara faster than the speed of light.

It has been said that a “secret sin on earth is open scandal in heaven.” My Heavenly Father and my earthly father are there right now. Thinking of hurting them keeps me pure.

The above article came from the book, Staying Close: Stopping the Natural Drift Toward Isolation in Marriage by Dennis Rainey, published by Thomas Nelson Publishing. This book won the Gold Medallion Book Award in recognition of excellence in evangelical Christian literature so it’s highly recognized as being a powerful book for those who are married. It helps those of us who are married to learn how to pull together instead of drift apart.

Published by Marriage missions International.

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR WIFE BEAUTIFUL!

MARRIAGE SERIES, PART 3.

Matthew 6:22-23

The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

You know they say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, a critical look at that statement reveals the truth that the beholder has the responsibility to create for himself the beauty and to hold that beauty in manner that will entertain any competing factor!

Fourteen years ago today, i got my turn around in a manner i least expected and it's a story i will never get tired of telling;

My wife was 8 months pregnant for my first daughter (Chiazotam) and i was on my way to a traditional wedding in Auchi, with my 'girl friend' and on the way we had an accident and she later died in the hospital.

In this period of confusion and despair, i met Jesus Christ who literarily spoke to my heart and i made a decision to have Him as my Lord and Saviour and to serve Him for the rest of my life!

When i came home on the third day after that accident and my three day sojourn at Aviele, the place of the accident, i met my wife sitting outside the house waiting for my return (each time i tell this story i really wonder what would have happened to my wife if i died in that accident) and there and then, i realise the beauty in her ( her pure intentions and desire to have us grow a good union in love and respect for each other).

This event completely changed my life, my eyes were not single, they were not good and my whole body was full of darkness prior to this event and now i know that having multiple sex partners is the harbinger or distraction and destruction in a marriage union.

As long as you keep going outside for sexual pleasures, you will not appreciate the beauty in your wife and make no mistakes, i am not talking about physical beauty here because that also has deceived so many men into misplacing their priorities and thinking that physical beauty comes first.

You can work on the physical from the internal, when you realise the inherent and innate qualities of your wife, then you can lovingly curate the physical beauty that suits your desire.

Make no mistakes, any woman, i repeat any woman who sleeps with any man, knowing his marital status is not worth giving priority over your wife.(this also goes for a man). She can't also be trusted to keep it straight when the time comes.

Do you know why you find faults with your wife always? It's because your eyes are not single, you have huge darkness in you and because you spend your energy jumping from one woman to the other, confusion has set in and you now have competing images struggling in your head and your wife is made to bear the brunt!

I made the decision 14 years ago, to keep myself for my wife and to remain faithful through the help of God and do you know what? I identified her beauty from the inside, i don't have competing and conflicting female images in my head, she is the only one and all my energy has been channeled towards making her the woman that appeals to me.

What you see of my wife today is the deliberate work from a man who has realised that God can help make all the difference and that loving a woman in fidelity is the greatest quality available to man.

Your wife is not the problem, you are! Shut down on those external union killers and you will see her differently.

YOUR WIFE ULTIMATELY BECOMES WHAT YOU THINK OF HER,

YOU CAN MAKE HER BEAUTIFUL,

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR FOCUS SINGLE,

JESUS CAN HELP YOU!

LOVE YOUR WIFE!

MARRIAGE SERIES, PART 2.

Colosians 3:19

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Ephesians 5:25-29

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 

If you have determined who your wife is from the part one of this series and you are positive that she is one flesh with you and you are cleaving to her, then the next positive thing to do is to love her!

We have over time disfigured the truth about love and we have chosen the meaning that has suited us the most because we either find it convenient or better adapted because others are doing it and it seems harmless, after all we are the men.

Love is not just about provision or having said, 'I DO' to your wife, it's not just about gifts and making sure theres food on the table. It's equally about respect and also ensuring that she is respected by all and sundry. It's also about companionship and healthy communication.

Love is faithful, love is respectful, it is celebrating and not leaving anyone in doubt about how you feel concerning your wife because you have no hidden intentions and no need to invest in a relationship other the one you already have with your wife.

Your wife is your body, you can't hate your body and you must present her the way you want her to be taken by your friends. Each time you cheat on her, you disrespect her and present her as incapable and unworthy of respect.

I really wonder why men sometimes are more courteous to ladies they meet outside than they are to their wives. I have concluded that what i will not do for my wife, no other lady is worth doing it for!
That's a stand we need to take, we must stand up for our wives and present them as the rare gifts they are.

If you love your wife, you must be faithful to her and until you try faithfulness, you will not understand what it means to love your wife and truly appreciate the strength of love in a union of faithfulness.

Do you know what you do to your wife's emotions and self respect when you cheat on her? You literarily destroy those and make her lose her worth.

You can't profess to love your wife and still take her out to places where your bedmates are, where your friends know you have more girls lined up than she can imagine and they watch her giggle like a fool? Come on man you should have a conscience and know better.

The days of playing the superstar is over, its either in or out but i pray that God will open your eyes to see how you are hurting your spouse and give you the grace to live right and enjoy your union.

Love your wife and enjoy peace!

WHO IS YOUR WIFE?

MARRIAGE SERIES, PART 1.

Genesis 2:24 (AMP)

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Mark 10:7-9

For this reason a man shall leave [behind] his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and cleave closely to her permanently,
And the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. [Gen. 2:24.]
What therefore God has united (joined together), let not man separate or divide.

The bible has defined marriage as a union of a man and a woman and shall for the purposes of this series, from time to time be the foundation or point of reference.

I will largely be writing from my perspective as a man and i want to initially apologise to my fellow men, if i tilt more towards the women because eventually, a good husband must be his wife's man or as they will put it a 'woman man'.

I want you to answer these questions as we move on,

1. Are you cleaving to your wife? (CLEAVE means; to adhere closely; stick; cling to remain faithful.)
2. Are you one flesh with your wife?
3. Are you still two?
4. Is a third party trying to divide or separate what God has joined together?

As we begin to answer these questions sincerely (telling ourselves the truth within ourselves), we will find out if we have truly made the required efforts to keep within the boundaries set out by God for marriage, you will also afford yourself the opportunity to take a second look at your partner and determine who she is, a friend, your flesh, a competitor, partner or foe?
What your answer is will determine how far you are willing to make things right in your union.

Love is not anywhere outside, so you must work inwards and ensure that you build a home and not a house.

No marriage union can claim perfection but the thing that makes the difference is the resolve by both parties to ensure that they build without external influences.

I made a commitment a while ago, after answering the above posed questions, that i will work on myself to become a good and loving husband to my wife, setting good examples for my children. That i will not build on my wife's shortcomings but rather encourage her sterling qualities and magnify them in my minds eye to the point where people can say 'she has blinded me' and it's working because i am always thinking of ways to please and make her happy (IT'S BECOME A HABIT AND IT'S WORTH IT!), reason being that i found out that after God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, she is all i have.

When the night falls and i have to sleep,I am alone with her, no friends, no mother or father, no relations or children.
If i am having pains of any sort at night, she will be the first to know and cater for me. By all standards, she is my closest relative! So why treat her carelessly?

You can create a loving relationship, depending on how you have answered the above questions.
It's not about your friends, its about your home.
Build it and they will admire you, it takes a man to determine to do the right thing, cowards choose the easy way.

BE THE MAN!